(If you’re getting sick of my “IT’S SO DAMNED GOOD TO BE ME” posts, then just close this window now. You’re welcome.)
I have no job and no real schedule outside of french class and trash/recycling days. I have started making a life for myself here in this foreign land, and I’m grateful for the friends I have, but I still spend a lot of time at home alone. I’m on the internet a lot, and I read some advice columnists regularly. And doing so never fails to remind me of just how lucky I am, and just how thankful I am for it.
This time of year, packed with holidays, means family gatherings for many. True, there’s some sadness that I won’t spend any time with my birth family this year, or with so many of my chosen family that is sprawled around the U.S. But I can’t be too sad about that. Catching up on Emily Yoffe’s “Dear Prudence” column, I read about the problems others have with judgmental or crazy family members, hateful parents or in-laws, family and friends who don’t accept their partners, etc. I not only am privileged to have a remarkable, handsome, funny, smart man as a best friend and husband, but I also inherited his wonderful family. I gained another set of parents and a brother who treat me wonderfully (well, the brother-in-law treats me wonderfully in his own way…he hasn’t threatened to kill me in a while, not since I called him by the nickname my mom-in-law uses for him). I adore them so much that I’m quite happy to go spend the better part of two weeks with my “Canadian parents” without my husband. How did I get this lucky? The husband is a gift of which I’m quite sure I’m karmically undeserving, and yet I receive even MORE blessings.
Sure, it’s been challenging to move far away from the only home I’ve known since I was 10. And it’s been tough at times to be here alone while the husband is 600km away on course for four months. But this time alone has forced me to adjust to the changes better than I expected or could have hoped. And I’ve made some good friends up here that brighten my life and save what there is to save of my sanity. Yes, it’s hard to have so many wonderful people in my life that now live so far away. I could focus on the distance between us, or I can appreciate still having them in my life, in what ever capacity we find across the miles. From 3000km away, I learned of a friend’s good news, and through a slight blur of happy tears, I saw the overall happiness in the universe increase a notch. (I’m totally not telling, beautiful! That’s all I’ll say about that!)
I’m just so thankful to be me. To be in this time and space. To not only have all the good things I have in my life, but to be aware of them and grateful for them while I have them. So many people overlook the good things as they view the bad things, challenges, or barriers. I’m so thankful to have a brain that, while it malfunctions sometimes, still remembers more often than not to inventory the good things, to count them twice and thrice, to glory in them. To count the bad things as rarely as possible, and get back to counting the good again.
I’ve said it before, but I wouldn’t trade being me for anything. I’m one sleep away from closing the door of la maison grise for the LAST TIME while I live alone here. I’ll see my handsome man soon, and celebrate “our” birthday with him, and just generally wallow in the joy I take simply from being us. And then I’ll bring him home with me, to revel daily in the good life we make together. The happy, it just grows.