So I whined a lot this morning. And no, no magical shift has occurred to allow me to tap into my inner super woman. (She’s in there; I’ve met her before. Perhaps this move to Quebec forced her into hibernation?) But it hasn’t been a bad day, and I’m remembering to be thankful.
Is there any better feeling in the world than to have met the person who makes you feel like the luckiest person in the world…and to know you make him feel just as lucky in return? I won’t embarrass him too much here, but there were some sweet words. We aren’t two to say a lot of sweet things; I suppose we’re just not particularly sweet people. Hell, one of the sweetest things he’s ever said to me was that he doesn’t even secretly hate me yet. So a few sweet words, not in an effort to be sweet, but just because those were the feelings at the time, go a long way. I never forget why I’m here, or that what we have is worth it, but sometimes, he seems farther away than other times. Today he felt very close again.
It’s been a rough road at times, but at least a new chapter starts soon. We knew this first part wouldn’t be easy, but parts of it are easier than I’d dared to hope. This alien place seems less strange as the days sigh softly past. The guy at the service desk gets all smiley as he practices his English on me. I don’t know if I’d call him fluent, but he has a lot more English at his disposal than I have French, and it’s kind of him to try so hard in an uncomfortable second language for me. When he reiterated what a pleasure it was to serve me, I was happy to have the words in French to tell him, “No, no, Sylvain, the pleasure is all mine!” And the lady from the finance office, who I know (from our first visit there when we bought Ginny) doesn’t speak ANY English, offered me coffee, and I immediately knew what she was asking and thanked her. My efforts to communicate with her made her more open and friendly than she’d been in the past. (She hadn’t been unfriendly, but just as I used to avoid eye contact before I had any French, she mostly avoided me, or looked away after a quick smile.) I pointed to my lap full of French course materials and told her in French that I study French all morning, it is a very difficult language. (I can only speak in the present tense for now, haha, YES, I know what I sound like.) She told me that she was from here in the region, but yes it’s complicated and she still writes terribly, you should see her stuff on facebook, haha.
They are baby steps, but still steps forward. Maybe I’m not sliding backwards as I sometimes feel I am. Last night, I was sick of cooking for myself, here alone, so I decided to go out to dinner alone. It wasn’t long ago I would have been far too intimidated to do that.
Things march along. They march along at a slower, quieter pace than I’d like, but they do move forward. Soon this most challenging time since the move will be over, and we’ll move onto new challenges (like me learning to deal with SNOW). I may or may not see a friend tonight, and I’m working on starting to get the house cleaned up. Baby steps. Even if sometimes it’s too much, it’s a small price to pay for what I’m receiving for it. Just another three weeks…