Yes, I love my life! It helps to remember this. It helps to be reminded.
I was messaging with the husband last night (big Friday night of a holiday weekend, and we were both drinking alone – well, he had cute bartenders, while I had just me), and I got rather mushy. Not the bad kind of mushy, where I cry after grocery shopping. The good kind, where I am near tears sometimes, just because I’ve got it pretty good. There’s a Salvador Dali quote that springs to mind: “There are some days when I think I am going to die from an overdose of satisfaction.”
The first thing that strikes me (since it’s the major factor in making life what it is at this moment) about how fortunate I am is having a partner in crime who seems to truly understand me. He SEES me, as I really am. All of me. And instead of turning aside, he lets that evil glint shine in his eyes, and he says, “Let’s do it together.” It’s a pretty amazing feeling, to be seen and recognized and appreciated in my entirety. I have a few excellent friends (shout out to you, Mark, Amber, Keith, Anna, Sister if you’re reading this) who know exactly who I am, with all of my faults and blemishes and weaknesses and strengths, and who love me both because because of and despite this knowledge. But I’ve never dreamed of having a romantic relationship with this kind of honesty and openness. Nor did I dream that I’d follow such a love to the Great White North, haha!
While chatting with the husband, a subject came up that prompted me to share something I quickly realized I’d never before shared with another person. Just a bad experience, something that is both a part of who I am today and a situation that loomed large in its time but in no way defined me. I’m still that scared little girl sometimes, yet I’m also her defender, so much stronger and bigger and more HERE than she was when that thing happened. I’d never shared it, yet I brought it up conversationally with the husband, having failed to mention it in any conversation with any other human for about 16 years. It was both ground-breaking and nearly beneath notice. I love that when I share with him, it’s as amazing and mundane as simply being honest with myself.
In addition to having found someone in front of whom I can let the curtain fall away completely without fear or regret, I have many other things for which I’m thankful. I am pretty healthy (never mind the French Canadian Death Syndrome or the Drug-resistant Afghan Cooties, both of which I believe my husband carries and I caught shortly after meeting him). I live in the age of DENTISTRY, which means when I broke a very prominent tooth out of my face doing something dumb (horrible pub-golf piggy-backing accident for those of you who don’t know), I was able to get it fixed immediately so I look normal. Or as normal as a redhead can. I live in the age of technology. I can transcend space completely, talking and laughing with my sister from an elliptical machine at a gym on a Canadian base in Northern Quebec over something funny that happened to her in Oklahoma minutes earlier. I have a brain that can learn. Sure it’s out of practice, and some things are still HARD (like French, and learning to only hit the spacebar once after each period, or risk having my blog look wonky), but the brain, it functions. It DOES WORK when I demand that of it. Besides basic health, I have a Meatsuit that responds well to abuse, and a brain that, much of the time, issues it appropriate commands.
Love. I have a LOT of love in my life. Not that I have a million adoring fans (not sure why I don’t – poor publicity, perhaps?), but the people in my life who really matter pour a lot of love into me. And what is love without laughter? I have laughed more in my 32 years than may people do in a much longer lifetime, and I foresee adding to that total tomorrow, and the next day, and then on Tuesday, and the following Wednesday, and so forth.
Thanksgiving approaches (Canadian Thanksgiving, at least, as American Thanksgiving is still a few months away). I suppose tonight is my personal giving of thanks. I thank no god, as none has ever made itself known to me. I thank the universe for assembling its atoms in such a way as to allow for life. I thank the people in my life, for including me in theirs. I thank luck, for letting my path cross the husband’s and many others. I thank chance, for giving me a dearly beloved sibling who I might have never grown to appreciate without our shared childhood experience. I thank my brain, for its will and elasticity as I struggle to adjust to changing circumstances. I thank life, for the privilege of living it.
Tonight, I am thankful. There will be bad days (and hell, during my first Canadian winter, bad MONTHS). But I’m thankful for the good moments that remind me that this, too, shall pass. The good AND the bad; both shall pass. And I take notice.